what if farting was contagious like yawning
are you out there?
Who gives a fuck what I have to say? I mean honestly. But I have to vent. November 29th, 2011 the most amazing guy in the entire universe became MY boyfriend. From there on out, we fought, we said things we didn’t mean, but we were in LOVE. For the first time in my entire life, I knew that something was real. I knew that our love was real and it was pure. We were together for a year and almost a month. We broke up on December 24, 2012, around 3 am. On Christmas Eve/Christmas. Best Christmas present ever, right? It sounds bad, like pity me. But no. Our relationship had been bad for a really long time. We saw each other every single day and I think that played a big part in it. We were getting sick of each other. We fought over pointless, simple things. I caught him talking to 2 girls. And then another, which he blamed on drugs. I, of course, didn’t approve that he started selling weed. But I was relieved that his relationship with the girls was strictly business, even though I still had my doubts, I was content. It got so bad, he would leave my house EARLY because we were fighting so bad. Then one night, on December 24th, 2012, he stayed at a friends. we hadn’t talked for an hour or so. I figured he went to bed. I got on my facebook account to see “Ashley Fletcher” tagged his friend in a post, “Coon hunting for the first time!” Jordan loved to coon hunt. So obviously, they were all together. And I jumped to conclusions because he wouldn’t reply or answer my calls. And I broke up with him. I ended everything that was pure and true to me. After I lost him, I literally felt like I lost myself. And it took me one month to finally put the pieces back together. But now that I’m okay again, he comes back into my life and says the things that he said when I fell in love with him. He’s honest with me, he calls me baby, he tells me he misses me. & For the first time in a month, he admits to still being in love with me. And it feels SO GOOD. But now, he’s fooling with harder drugs. And I’m afraid if we end up back together, I’ll never be NUMBER ONE again. I’m afraid that drugs will always play a bigger part in his life than I do. I want him to make me feel wanted and I’m afraid if I make him choose, he won’t choose me. But in real life, I can’t talk to anyone about this because they won’t understand. Because they know me, they’ll side with me, and tell me he’ll never change. But you’ll never know unless you take a chance, right? The worst feeling in the entire world is to feel unaccepted or replaced. I feel like that, right now. I just want to know what decision is the right decision to make. Anytime I look at a guy in that way, I see Jordan Micheal Carpenter. He never gave me my heart back when I gave it to him, that November. I’m afraid he’ll never give it back. Not because he doesn’t want me to have it, but because I don’t think it belongs with anyone else……